Forget Positive Thinking?

What's better than thinking positive?

First, let me say that I believe in thinking positive thoughts. But the truth is that, even for someone whose entire message and brand is about cultivating joy and tapping into compassionate humor to connect with others and cope with stress, the truth is, no one thinks positively all the time (just ask my wife when I'm hold with a bot that's telling me that all representatives are busy helping other customers but my call is very important to them. And by the way, why have all the menu options changed?!). So, maintaining an unbroken positive mental attitude is probably something most of us can't do. But you know what is more important than POSITIVITY? POSSIBILITY!

Possibility thinking is a hallmark of a growth mindset. It's the mindset that is made not of walls and dead ends and fixed ideas but of bridges and doors that lead to what could be. When you experience a setback, possibility thinking spends little time stuck on "why did this happen to me?" but instead, "what can I do next?" It doesn't focus on what has been lost but on what remains and what you might do with it. It doesn't entertain fixed conclusions that lead you to harshly judge others and assume that you know their every thought and motive. Instead, it considers the possibility that you don't have the full picture of why they behave as they do and can make you curious to learn more instead of rushing to judgement. It's a simple choice of thinking that leads away from conflict, hopelessness and complaint and toward understanding, hope, motivation and innovation. And when you choose possibility, it raises the probability of more joyful life, leadership and working and connecting with others.

Here are three steps toward more possibility:

• TO BE OR NOT TO BE -Words don't just express thoughts, they shape how you think. Try talking about situations without using forms of the verb "to be" that invite fixed mindset thinking. Instead of "this task is impossible!" (a fixed state) try, "I need a different approach."

• "CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER" - as Alice observed in Wonderland. Curiosity is the door that leads to possibility and away from fixed thinking. There's a great scene in Ted Lasso when Ted is challenged to a dart game by a powerful rival who assumes that this simple American won't know anything about the game and Ted schools him while talkiing about his challenger had made a choice to judge Ted instead of asking questions. If he had been curious enough to ask questions instead of making assumptions, he might have learned that Ted's father had taught him all about the game. Learning is always curious about the possibilities. Ignorance is always certain it already knows.

• ASK, "WHAT NEXT?" - Setbacks and failures are never fun. But, with a possibility mindset, failure is formative. What you learn in the negative experiences can provide some of the most valuable insights to propel you forward. People who survive plane crashes or being adrift on the ocean or marooned in the wilderness share this characteristic: they don't waste energy on considering what they've lost. They turn their attention immediately to inventorying what they still have and what are the possibilities for how to best use them. And one secret weapon that the possibility thinker uses/ A sense of humor. In a failure situation, making light of the situation doesn't solve it but it gives you a way to respond to what you can't change by giving you a moment of emotional control over it. Plus mental playfulness is a tool of innovation.